She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
