My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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