I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
