CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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