So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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