there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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