I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
