When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
