We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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