I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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