I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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