The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
