so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
God, I missed his penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
