I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
