i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
