Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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