Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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