the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They took my balls.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
