Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
