I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
