I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
