I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
