I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
