I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
