dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So. Much. Porn.
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