Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he was CRYING into my vagina
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
