im six kinds of drunk right now
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
