i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
