so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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