You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
