he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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