This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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