i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
