"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
