There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
