That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
