Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
