I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
