I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
