can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
