what day is it and did you see me today?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
