you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're breaking my sexual little heart
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
