She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
