I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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