What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
