woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
