none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just found a bag of teeth...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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