I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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