He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
