but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
