Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He passed out mid-signature
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
