I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Randomize
