peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
